apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
