Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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