I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
