Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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