Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
