needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
