I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
