We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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