You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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