my soul wont recognize me after tonight
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
