Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
