god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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