he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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