Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
