i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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