ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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