I wish my penis had an off switch
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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