but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
