I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
