I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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