I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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