the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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