seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
