She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
