that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
