i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Less talking, more tequila
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
