These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
