Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
