if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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