she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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