her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
