I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
