i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
