turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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