it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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