Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
