you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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