Are we in a gay sports bar?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
