Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
