so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
