I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize