Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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