Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
