About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
