I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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