community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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