I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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