Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
