I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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