im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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