I'm eating all of the evidence.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
