new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
