you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
