it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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