I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Couch. On fire.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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