I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
