I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize