I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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