all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
