A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
