i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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