So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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