Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
