Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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