I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize