I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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