If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
